by Dr. Rachel Gilgoff, MD
When I had my first child, I was unprepared for the flood of emotions that I would experience – anger, in particular. People who know me would likely describe me as easy going, quiet, shy, and introspective. I don’t think I ever yelled or even raised my voice until I had children. It was a complete shock to me how out of control I could feel when confronted with such a tiny person.
What I didn’t realize at the time was how my past was showing up in how I parented my children, and it was taking a toll on my family. All of us were struggling.
So, seven years ago, I quit my super stressful job to focus on my family’s mental and physical health, to find answers and healing strategies for myself, my family, and my patients. It has been said that our children teach us more about ourselves than we teach them.
I have learned a lot over the past seven years, once I opened myself to the lessons. While I continue to learn and grow, I have found strategies and interventions that keep me regulated and more present for my kids (and husband!) and help me to heal my internal wounds. And the result? We are all more mentally and physically healthy, we treat each other with respect and empathy, and thoroughly enjoy being around each other. I hear people talk about the teen years as though there is no hope and that we are doomed to have bad relationships with our teens until they develop their frontal lobes. We unwittingly set the expectation that our teens will talk back, be disrespectful, and ignore us. I can testify on a personal, academic, and professional level that there is another way!
How, you ask? As parents, we can start by healing our own childhood traumas, learning strategies to manage our own emotions in the moment, and creating a parenting strategy that encompasses both empathy and healthy expectations.
I’m oversimplifying here…we often do one of two things in response to rocky childhoods: we either inadvertently become our parents or we do the exact opposite. Often, neither approach is productive. For example, if our parents were militaristic or cold, we may either adopt a similar harsh parenting style or go the other direction and become overly permissive without any boundaries or expectations. There is a healthy middle ground, and I want to help you get there.
Using the Stress Phenotyping Framework, I assess caregivers’ underlying root physiology to provide an individualized, tailored approach to healing and provide concrete parenting support to get you through the day-to-day triggers. I use integrative medicine approaches, neurofeedback, and Accelerated Resolution Therapy, and I have a wide network of additional referral resources to create a multidisciplinary team approach to healing and thriving.
You can have a close, respectful, healthy relationship with your child at any age. You can heal yourself, find joy in your relationships, and thrive. It is possible – let me show you how.
Make an appointment today so I can begin to support you on your unique parenting path!